reading after a cigarette proves to be very damaging. and when i smoke alone in the room on this cold chilly night, i tend to think alot. i cant help it despite the fact that i told myself to stop thinking so much as and when im alone or when im in a quiet environment while trying to pluck the strands of white hair on my head earlier on. so while reading, my mind tend to drift off to other things and not the contents of the book. it gets very irritating and angry after awhile. damn.

very random thoughts.

what matters most is the future. i think back. yes. my past was not that wonderful or anth to be proud of. i used to tell myself that life is short and i should enjoy it while i cant. guess i did it the wrong way. indeed life is short, but the life that i was leading in the past was totally wasted. weekly boozing, partying, excessive smoking. but i enjoyed it very much and shrugged off another negatives comments that other people have about this life that i was leading. its not harming me right now. and for those of you who know, im damn wasted. that aside, im very grateful that he said that to me and i believe that he really mean it. i know i wont take this or him for granted.

talked to my mum about my uni stuff. my mum never wants me to worry about anth that concerns my education. and this time is finances that we are talking about. yes, i know that my uni fees are not cheap at all (how long do you need to earn 17 grand). this made me sort of regretted my decision of going into a private uni than a local one. i blame myself for not applying for any local unis where schools are so much cheaper than these private unis! and now the whole family(yes, my brother included) are scrimping for my education. mummy: $5k, bro: $5k, daddy: $7K. i promise i will study hard. and i cant believe my brother is funding my education.

i lost my train of thoughts. besides i dowan to bore u guys to death.