im sinking into the pensive and subconsicous mind rite now and i miss him more and more each day.. im just so lazy and fed-up with the things tt is going on rite now.. it doesnt help and it dosent prove anth tt is worth.. well, i guess i need to find a perfect soul for my regular and intolerable whinings and complainings.. how i wish i can see him and feel him at this very instant.. nobody cares, nobody understand..

selfish, heartless, ignorant.. suddenly all the "what ifs" just flood thru my mind..

what if i got one million dollars, what if im impaired with good brains, what if i can read people's mind, what if there is no such thing as "projects", what if my mum is some beauty queen, what if my friends are less crazy, what if he does not need to go for tournaments, what if i can accompany him to his tournaments, what if i have a car now, what if my dad is some rich billionaire, what if my bro's gf could be less irritating, what if everybody could be responsible in the things they do, what if the men get pregnant instead of the women, what if my husband gets pregnant in the future, what if we cant have kids, what if my husband got an affair, what if my husband is a gay, what if im the president, what if the world is ending 2ml, what if, what if, what if... haiz.. im sorry.. i got too much spare time to waste.. i just cant help thinking.. but often i would brush it off and sink into denial mode.. mum told me tt its bad for me to handle things this way.. im not being responsible to alot of things and to alot of people.. yeah.. cant help but feel sorry for me!! pls take pity on me.. pls pls..

mum and dad lost their conscious today as they are not in the right state of their mind.. dad keep telling me abt sex.. how guys can become impotent.. mum cant stand our conversation and decided to interrupt : "eh, why are u telling her all these? u siao ar? u think she duno mehz?" then dad looked at her and replied: "how she noe? she experience mehz? im telling her so tt she can be prepared." and it goes on.. so, dad really underestimate my intellect when it comes to sex.. EH, WHAT IS SEX EDUCATION IN SCHOOL FOR? my parents, sometimes u just cant help but to feel tt they are just so weird.. and i wonder how they can brought me up to be near normal.. my parents are so wonderful arent they? so i decided to stop the conversation and dad thinks tt im shy, "this kind of thing no need to shy one larz!!" i choose to ignore and shut myself in the room.. peace at last!

a little peek at some happenings.. this is the reason why i love them so much.. eventhough sometimes i cant stand mum for being unreasonable, dad for being too.. erm.. himself, brother being irritating as usual, but they really make my life interesting.. at least my parents love me deep enough to slog their guts out to provide me with the good life tt im having..

but they nv fail to taught me how to appreciate the things tt im having rite now.. mum strongly believes in order to make me appreciate and be thankful, i have to learn things the hard way.. but now she is more strict due to some unforseen circumstances.. and she said tt im getting more and more outrageous, more and more disrespectful (that applies to me smoking at home and coming back dead drunk).. not as if i ever want things to be this way..

think simple and be happy.. life's is like a box of chocolates..